At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
