if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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