I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
