the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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