she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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