nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
