Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
