I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
