I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
