ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
