What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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