we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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