The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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