Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot