Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.