R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!