I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says