I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES