No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
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tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life