Porn is love you can see.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
