The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
