I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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