are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
