We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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