Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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