dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
