My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize