I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
