My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
