some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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