I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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