I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
