So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
