i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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