is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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