Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.