If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event