Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
