He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
