the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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