Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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