He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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