I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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