The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Success! We fucked roommates!
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