the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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