Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
