Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
