I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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