and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize