i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
