Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
