Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
