cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Vodka?
Forever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
