she was so not down for the gang bang
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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