Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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