I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
