The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
