I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
