Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
