You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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