someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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