You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize