WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
cat food counts as protein by the way
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my liver is dry heaving
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