sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize