my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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