Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
